wat's the next step for me???

Hi Diary... long time no see... hmmm not v long anyway..

well well.. ending my exams this mon... but dun really feel anything.. quite immune bout it... the next worry comes though... can i get a job??? i desperately need one man... sigh~ life's all bout moving on huh.. its all bout looking Forward... nv backward rite... but that's the way it is..

something happened on tues.. jf's mum admitted into hospital.. i have a paper on wed.. she din wan to tell me but.. Ben still called me in the end... so its like... juz a big round... well well.. i was quite affected... not cos of the fact that i was disturbed.. juz that i totally understand how she feel.. and that nite i kept having flashbacks of the incident.. its so traumatising... i think she's worse than me.. cos her sister was admitted too cos of heart attack.. aahhh.... start counting my blessings man... hmmmm i went to ask the divine yesterday.. was act quite surprised that i act asked.. but well.. i was really quite worried for her and i guess its the helplessness that i wanna help her with.. speaking from my own experience.. i dun blame others for not doing anything cos they haven been thru it before.. i know how terrible a feeling it is and i badly wanna help her.. i juz hope that she takes a more proactive approach towards life.. but from wat i see.. she's trying hard.. and i'm glad for her.. i'm cheering u on jf.. hang in there~ dun be defeated by the downs of life~ i'm sure u will become stronger after this ordeal... and we can proudly tell ourselves that we are the survivors of fate..

oh no.. i suddenly think that i'm feeling quite unhappy... izzit cos i have no direction in life now or??? i dunno... there's nothing meaningful for me to hold on to.. everyday passes juz like that.. sometimes i think bout lots of stuff.. which i dunno if its necessary.. well maybe not... that's juz the way i am...

sigh~~~ i really wanna heave a big big SIGH~ sometimes how i wish i can juz go out there somewhere.. forget who am i and juz relieve myself of the stern and serious side and reveal my fun and outrageous side.. haha~ wat nonsense am i toking bout? Grrr..........

act i think chinese language is a better medium for expressing emotions... there's quite a number of times where i felt like blogging in chinese.. but then... spending the time typing blah blah... haha~~ well.. maybe i'll do it one day when i feel like it..

hmmmmm act i dunno wat i'm trying to say today.. juz felt like writing something here.. sometimes i think i'm a person who complains bout life too much.. but well... life... hmmm... or am i juz an unhappy person??? see... there i go again.. haha~ act i think life's a vicious cycle... its like wat they say... the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer... bad things always occur when u are already in a bad shape... and gd things onli happen to those who are lucky... well well... its juz a matter of who's lucky this time rite~~ oops nonsense again.. dun really know wat i'm driving at...

i dunno if i should tok bout this.... hmmm... maybe juz briefly mention... juz a passing thot that i have sometimes.. not flattering myself lah~ but then sometimes i wonder if i do too much for my frens... which is act.. like quite one sided... sometimes i think its better to be juz alone.. without any frens... or juz have some Acquaintance as i would say.. know each other.. can tok.. but not That personal and in depth... suddenly rem wat lz wrote to me in my bday card... 'u have been thru alot in ur mere 21 years of age..' i totally agree... but same goes for her... tong2 shi4 tian1 ya2 lun2 ruo4 ren2... i think maybe sometimes i think so deep that my frens cant match my thinking.. or am i juz a worrier? haha~ i dunno.. rem last time when i was young.. used to hear from my aunt.. u come alone into this world.. and u leave alone... how true it is... this journey is juz a passing stage... full of uncertainties.. more joys and fun for some... more sorrows and miseries for others...

aaahhh.... i dunno how to continue... i think i haven really said wat i wanted to... its a form of self denial.. i juz dun wanna touch on that part... hmmm will update u again Diary~ thanks for listening... *in a world of self-denial*

Life Is All About Moving On~!