what is it???

hi diary... haven updated u for a long time.......

well.. i'm really sorry that i am feeling quite frustrated now...... sigh~ had quite an eventful day with kids and caught a movie.. the long awaited one... but after watching it.. well... i dunno.. din really left any impression..

anyway.... i feel really really down.... its like i juz feel that there's no one i can talk to! i tried with a few pple... but i dunno.. i juz feel that its quite disappointing...... am i a demanding person? perhaps i expect too much from my confidantes.. i feel so miserable.. desperate for money.. drained by all the tuitions... drowned by all the projects.. argh... i seek an easy release....... death! but sad to say.. i dun have the courage... and i dun wanna break my mum's heart.. she's so worried that i'll have another berakdown.....

argh..... i feel so helpless... my frens seem to think that i'm ........ hmmm nvm let's juz say that perhaps they assume i'm so much stronger....... its so drilled in me that i dun wanna show my soft side in front of them... and well... not being a blamer in this case.. but i juz feel that because of my feelings that i cant really confide in someone.. i have chosen to isolate myself... well... sometimes i do talk bout it but juz try to quickly get it done and over with.......

everyone has their own problems... so i guess i cant expect them to really help me out.. well.. not really help.. as in juz Hear me out.. i juz need a listening ear! i dunno if i'm too sensitive a person.. but i seem to always feel that i am not getting the full empathy of the person i'm talking to. Yes! Empathy is the word! that's all i seek... but i guess its hard......

with regards to the above.. am i right to conclude that life works this way? if that's the case... i'm sad... but i have no choice...... life goes on~! well.. i admit... i dunno wat's really wrong with me.. i juz feel so miserable~! sometimes i feel that i'm considerate for others... but are they really considerate for me?? i can tell if my frens have problems... but can they? or would they even bother finding out??? ha! leading my own life instead.... i wanna form an island juz for myself...

i'm confused Diary... i really am... i feel so helpless.. arent there anyone who can speak to me maturely, offer me sound advice and comfort me? seriously.. that's all i ask for....

being more aware of myself now.. i know i'm a possessive person.. i demand (yes that's a strong word) attention when i am speaking.. if not.. no point rite... so i know that i am one who will stop once i get the feeling that the person is not paying attention to me! well.. that's my trait... might not be gd... but i'm proud of it! maybe that's the reason why i cant seem to be able to find someone who can be a gd confidante to me haha!

hmmm maybe feeling a little better now? thanks Diary... see u soon......

Sigh~!