grrrr....

Hi Diary... i dunno who to talk to at this pt of time except to find u... firstly, things got rather bad between me and her. and its so bad that i think its the end. i cant pretend nothing happened anymore. prob she cant too. i wanted to have a gd ending without any hard feelings. but apparently this is not the case.

i admit that i am really hurt. the hurt that i nv felt so deep from even from my past relationship. to be thot of and perceived so badly that i feel worthless. it's amazing how these negative voices keep playing in my head. eh is rite. but in any case, would i or should i still bother? i juz feel v unjust for myself. how much i put in to the extent that i can tear that i am act this way in her eyes. but oh well. i muz move on. as wat yf says, i shldnt take it personally if she is like that to everyone. i juz feel better if someone supports me and agrees with me.

last nite i went for a walk downstairs at the wee hrs of the nite. this is something that happened in the past. i see it coming back. its not a gd sign. i got to do something about it. or probably i shldnt be so uptight bout it. aft all, maybe its not as bad as it seems.

in any case i muz acknowledge how patient eh is in listening to me. i really cannot thank you enuff. u hv been such a darling to me. thank you so much for the support that comes so naturally and magnanimously. i really hope i can go far with u. u make me shine.

this incident also brings a question of how deep the frenship is in our clique. did we really hv a trusting relationship? wat was our relationship built on? have the rest of them supported me enuff? in any case, as i told zhao before, i wun deprive my happiness with them juz cos of my unhappiness with her.

something light. its really gd to take risks. i took a risk today and i'm glad it turned out well. prob this is something that i shld focus on creating! in any case. this incident made me cherish my other frens more. and it made me realise how impt my sec sch frens are to me. thanks to yf for listening to me. i feel so much better with the trust from all of u.

wat i wanna conclude is that i am really thankful to everyone that i meet. cos from each and everyone i see for myself who i wan/not wan to be. this incident will hurt me but i guess i will still continue to do things for frens that deserve my attention. i shldnt be so foolish to allow myself to be in a bad shape or dwell on unhappiness. i will know how to deal with negative voices better.

Fight For My Own Happiness~!